Traveling the SEEs

For most vacations, it’s normal to admit that you didn’t want it to be over. However, every guest of Kadmat Island, collectively dreaded the trip back to the mainland for an entirely different reason — the boat ride.

At 5am, guests are awaken and rounded up for the final breakfast of tea, coffee and cookies. Shortly afterwards, we as were corralled onto a nearby pier and hoisted onto an open high-speed boat for transport 4 hours away –back to Agatti Island. If you are lucky, you got to sit on loose bamboo lounge chairs. Otherwise, you got to sit on the bow or on the equipment boxes while the morning and full day sun beat down on your white skin. That was truly awful. There were many green faces that formed right before your eyes. (Oh crap, I shouldn’t discriminate… green shows up equally on non-white faces, too.) It was goddamn wild.

There was one young Indian couple that really got to me—both on the way to and now from the island. Normally, you can blow off an asshole by choosing to ignore them. However, when they cross the line and get into your space, this takes on a different scene and forces you to notice them. This was the case of the asshole couple.

On the way to the Island on the SS Vomit, this couple was rather nondescript. The husband sat alone in one of the two seats across the aisle from me while the wife sat by herself in the back somewhere. About halfway through the voyage, he became a classic asshole and kicked up a fuss. The cabin had become too cold for asshole-boy and he demanded that the AC be turned off. The 20 of us on the boat had to suffer because this idiotic Indian guy was having a hissy fit.

Then, the next thing I realized was that his goofy wife was sitting in her jackass husband’s seat, blowing chunks into a white plastic bag while goofy Indian husband was sitting in the back. What an asshole! The cabin temperature was stifling and he had created the goddamn chaos!!! He was bringing her a wet cloth as she blew the contents of her belly into the bag. Perfectly fucking horrific! All I could think of was, –who the hell eats that goddamn much before a 4-6 hour boat ride???

So now on the return trip, I was making it a point to avoid these idiots. But like hot gum to the bottom of your shoe, somehow life was pushing us together. Ugh! I was seated right next to idiot boy and barfy-bitch. Ah, this was not going to be good. As expected, the grumbling started. Isn’t it funny how you don’t really need to know a language to know that people are being assholes? All at once, as the complaints began, a greenish colouring came over them. The overall bitchiness was beginning to escalate as they were asking the first mate to ask the captain to slow the boat down. Are you fucking kidding me?

The captain thankfully told them off and ignored their requests. All of us on the boat were there to catch a flight to the mainland and he was not going to cave into their stupid demands. Talk about having balls!

It was unbelievable that these idiots actually thought that they could exert their control and hijack the boat because they were feeling green. It’s then that I just looked at them and shook my head in disgust. I was obviously travelling with the moron twins! It was clear that her fat ass dictated his outcome of the trip! Unbelievable just how stupid people are!

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